My stomach’s still feeling stressed from its upset state yesternight. My emotions are feeling upset too. I guess a long time of indifference made me such a slave to a sudden rush of emotions. I feel afraid and yet I also want to submit. And in spite of the fact that it’s a losing game, the feelings still remain. Sometimes I subconsciously act on a stubborn feeling or two. It’s like a hurting itch. Red, swollen, close to bleeding. But still demands some scratching. I feel like a delusional fan. Pathetic.

I know what my problem is but I still don’t know how to get rid of it. I have been thinking all day long and the only resolution I came up with is to just cage the feelings in there. I don’t know. Maybe they’ll magically disappear in time.

This is crazy.